Why are THEY worth a million in prizes when we all got a lust for life?

In a word….wow.
Sufficiently simple ain’t it? I expect it’s what most of us want in these bearish times.  Simplicity? Yea yeah okay- there are those who thrive on chaos and complication-but I hear the current trend is to drive head on into a brick wall in order to get away from people like that and sooner rather than later- we all got enough problems already huh?  So anyway…yeah wow.
A few years ago- a certain (ahem) nameless and wildly/confoundingly popular novel was causing a tremendous stir.  EVERYONE was talking about it- (which I suspect was the real motivation in writing it) speaking in brown paper bag covered tones.
‘Have you read it?!’
‘No. Have you?’
‘OMG you HAVE to!’
‘Really?  Is it ….??!!’
‘Uh huh’
What in the hell…?
What in the hell? ..uh…yeah.   Whether or not it is good- whatever your definition of good is____________ 
(This is where it gets interactive- you fill in the blank- it’s readers’ choice here)  
Never mind……it isn’t good.
My very blunt critique? 
It’s perfectly awful.  Either its author was chemically altered when she wrote it-or her editors were in my estimation….because frankly I can’t see how something like this could possibly make it past an editor’s desk- run the course of a publishing house and jump on to bookstore shelves across the planet without someone taking the blame and skipping out- far far away.
*** A sidenote confessionThis is MY blog and in as much -I am allowed to express whatever opinion I see fit. I know this is the case because I read it in the blogrulebookmanual thing. (pg 47)

Now before I go any further I’ll preface by acknowledging there may be some of you who’ll read this and get a little angry or completely pissed off or offended-in advance I apologize.  

That is truly not my intention.

I know you.

I know who you are- you’re the ones who read this particular book and liked it. 

And regarding any of the other ‘Ick Factor’ examples I example here…well…you like them as well.  

That’s cool.  I respect and appreciate that we differ. 

Having opposing views on things keeps life interesting.  We don’t always have to be fully sympatico to get along- do we? And aren’t we living in the free world where we’re given the right to not like something and say so?  That’s one of the first ten of them whatchamacallems-isn’t it?  I’m definitely NOT judging anyone’s entertainment preferences.  And although I did not- I can get why you liked this book. Books are supposed to take us away to places where we don’t have to think about stuff we don’t want to think about. Unpleasant things. Worrisome things.  In books we can lose ourselves-and especially with this particular book -our monotonous lives.  Unless of course YOUR monotonous life doubles in that of the duct tape/ball gag sect. I imagine even that lifestyle after a while- might become hum-drum as well. So just to clarify… this blog says nothing about what I think about you as a person or of your intelligence.  Nope it says nothing about any of that stuff-for that matter it doesn’t say anything at all about you sugarplums.  Hey -I’ve been guilty of perusing OK magazine and greedily enjoying every bit of gossipy bullshit it offers. Yessir-I have traveled the tabloid trail. 

Tsk tsk, so shoot me.  I’m sorry if my opinion is not identical to yours but we’re still bffs and everything. Right? Right.

Not only do we live in the free world but sadly we also live in a double edged swordy world that is led by a commercialized media which loves to brainwash us into liking or disliking what it wants us to.  And by doing so it creates this whole other breed of people who are controlled by what I refer to as delusional logic. They’re so blinded or frightened or both by what may be said about them on TMZ or something that it drives them to the point where they become slavewhores to it. Well -nobody really wants anything bad to be said about them but how realistic is that?  You’re probably saying something bad about me right now- or thinking it in any case. (double ha)

de•lu•sion•al /[dih-loo-zhuh-nl]
adj- having false or unrealistic beliefs or opinions: Senators who think they will get agreement on a comprehensive tax bill are delusional.

log•i•cal /[loj-i-kuhl]
adj-reasoning in accordance with the principles of logic, as a person or the mind: logical thinking

It’s THOSE people who are accountable for all of this. (that’s right I’m pointing fingers – it’s not us it’s YOU) They are the ones responsible for over-abundantly feeding us bad art. Then- to add insult to injury they sometimes take that art and turn it into other forms of (most likely) bad art.  Like the aforementioned novel being optioned to a three (count ‘em three) film deal. Oy.

It’s those people yes indeed…and they’re generally successful-too bad for us. But hey someone once said this:

Oh yeah Andy? Y’don’t say…

Exhibit #1 The Madcap One… M… Ms C Mrs R.-ex Mrs R…whatever.  Okay she may have turned out to be a somewhat entertaining iconlike being but consider this- her early recordings were pretty darn terrible. C’mon …admit it. Her voice was not good. The music she made- childish…. soulless.  But in her defense-she was not a trained singer/chanteuse. She was a dancer…or something.  And then some greedy corporate slugs turned her into the sensation of a generation.  Selling CDs…filling arenas…inspiring hundreds of thousands of adolescent girls (and some boys) to adorn themselves in holey leggings…novelty belts and to wear rags tied around their droneheads. Not that this a bad thing- I guess-it’s just that her music lacks something- it don’t got no grab and shake something up inside ya to it.

And as if all the accolades-weren’t enough reward for this ‘goddess’…

(…wait…. were they?)   

Some other genius decided it would be brilliant to put this woman to film. OH MY GOD! Aside from her debut providing swarms of ingénues with the fantasy of drying their sweaty pits with an Xlerator at the Port Authority- as an actress this woman is THE MOST unwatchable in the history of world cinema and that’s A LOT of history. You can debate me on any of the rest of this blog but if you challenge me on this? Well –THAT’S an argument I have GOT to hear! And yet…. what comes of all those badly acted movies? More notoriety. More ‘Prizes’ – more magazine covers. More red carpets. More acting opportunities-on the live stage even…  where there are no second takes.  YIKES!! More More More.


I’m thinking -despite the former ‘It girl’ desperately seeking the resurrection of her career-Madge your (very long) fifteen minutes are now gratefully over. Well -it was an ultra-fascinating over bleached ride- wasn’t it?

So -what kind of message does this send to anyone with any kind of ambition to be ‘make it’?

Be less passionate.

Disloyal to your convictions

Abandon your foundations. 

Conform and bow to the rigid guidelines of stardom.

DO NOT color outside the lines. (only pretend you do…just enough to look kinda unique- ‘what we’re looking for here is different- but the same’)

Enter into mediocrity while being a great and unrelentless self-promoter.  You’ll end up reaping all the rewards you could possibly desire. You’ll shine brighter than any star in the galaxy.  

Be genuine and an earnest hard-working climber and you’ll struggle to be noticed your entire career til you give up in despair- a bloody pulp.

Exhibit #2 (aka) we-can’t- all-be-California Gurls-Katy-precious…now can we? Not that she isn’t adorable …(*incidentally so was Cyndi and other than ‘True Colors’ and ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ much of her career is popularly vague and STILL she has an extraordinary voice-her newer bluesy stuff is a treasure*) but how many can say they love the little darling for her voice? She’s lukewarm vocally- she records mindless songs about getting drunk and being reckless- shoots whipped cream from her bra …. stuff like that y’know…. But all those sorts of things make her lack of musical substance A-OK because she looks great floating naked on a cloud on the cover of a CD. She’s once again – mediocre.

…Golly you might think this blog is mediocre and it probably is- but ripping everything to shreds is experimental- that’s my best excuse.  The ranting will get better again. I hope.

So enough about me let’s get into some more celebrity debacles- buckle up- but we’ll keep their identities thoroughly safety sealed for freshness and protection. be a sport play along- and act like you have no idea who they are- willya?.

ce·leb·ri·ty n. [ sə lébbrətee ]

1. famous person: somebody who is famous during his or her own lifetime

2. fame: the state of being famous

*(note obvious absence of the word talented or even skilled for that matter)
What about Kevin? – His best job was in the The Big Chill- that guy has some pretty talented wrists.  In fact- they were so impressive maybe they weren’t even really his- who knows? Anyway… compared to him the tree that grew in Brooklyn was remarkable in its role.
Keanu?  It’s been reported he is an exceptionally nice/humble/generous guy. I actually believe this. But- um-…. maybe his team of agents select block busters for him- however his being IN those films makes them exceedingly difficult to digest. He’s completely one dimensional (what WERE those directors thinking?  Most likely-‘cut …cut… CUT!!!!’)  and makes even the most high-speed bus ride ultimately bromidic.
And Orlando?  As the Mr. Rotten sang ‘You’re Pretty. Pretty Vacant. That pretty much sums this one up- doesn’t it?
Kim -Why is this woman still working  in ANY capacity and why is she being paid ANY mind? Without ever having seen more than one episode of Sex and the City- I’m scarred.  She’s the Rula Lenska of America and by the way I LOVED her as Q in the BBC’s Rock Follies but when she crossed the pond to shill for Alberto Vo5…? Well- that wasn’t really necessary Rula- was it?
Milla– Those L’Oreal print ads capture her at her best…silent and pouty mouthed…. and I’m guessing even SHE is not sure she’s ‘worth it.’
Oh the list goes on and on…. people who’ve gained all sorts of fame with absolutely NO validity. Okay I may seem a little on the stupid side here- but I’d love if someone could tell me exactly what these Kardashi—-(something) people do that makes them worthy of …. anything?  I’m serious- I have no idea why they’re given the slightest media attention. Please enlighten me.  It’s completely shameful how well they appear to be received.  Seems nuts to me.  On the other hand- I have seen some really funny parodies using their likenesses and those have made me laugh- so there’s that I suppose.  How do you spell r-e-d-e-m-p-t-i-o-n?  
Oh- and don’t worry -the entertainment industry has the cookie cutter prototype covered-in spades.  Just in case we run out of would-be Oscar/Tony/Emmy/ Golden Globe/Grammy winners there’s England’s/America’s Got Talent.  I’m not saying there is NO valuable feature to programs like the X Factor (which I have seen) or American Idol (which I’ve NEVER seen).
The good part- it gives people with bona fide talent an opportunity to be seen and heard and discovered.   It does make sense- I mean it’s the new instant world-without these shows the contestants mightn’t have those chances. Good on them.
The bad part- we are subjected to the less …um… gifted who audition and sometimes- much to our-the consumer’s horror- get record deals- endorsement contracts- so on and so forth. Are you freaking kidding me?!!  I have better ways of torturing myself than enduring that. I can cut my toenails too short-that’s good too.
What happens to the actors/musicians/writers/photographers etc etc etc who are amazing but may be not so much in the marketability department?  Probably nothing. They won’t get recognition. No label signings. No Academy Awards. No books published. No gallery showings. No nothing. Into the great wide abyss for youse guys.

I wholeheartedly assure you the inspiration for writing this does not stem from me being ‘jellie’ over others who are more accomplished whether it’s from true talent or as in the cases I just illustrated come from just pure dumb luck.  BUT… I cannot stomach the people who push forward these ‘extraordinary artistes’ and jam them down our throats with such veracity until we start to convince ourselves that –

Yea- maybe this song might not be so bad. Maybe it’ll even be good after hearing it a few billion times.   Hey this crazy I just heard you (Forty-five seconds ago) but now I love you…la di da da. daaaaaa.. Really?

But who’s honestly winning the biggest prize from all this crap and what they are winning? Brace yourselves for the biggest shocker!!

(lightbulb turning on above our heads in a think bubble)

As if anyone who buys this stuff really has much to spare. So what? The big guys pulling the strings don’t give a flying f because they know people- especially technology addicted kids -habitually searching for the next thing- will spend their last dime on the latest iTunes (or something) to brighten their otherwise glum existences. Thank goodness we have thieves like them guys to keep us dumbstruck-ly satiated.  Keep buying.  Let’s suck those debit cards dry before they realize what we’re peddling is horrible.  Yeah- that’s right.

Carly Rae Whoever may be a star for the moment- but why?  Why- when I’m certain there are many someones who really truly are better/more talented and thereby A LOT more deserving?  I know there’s only so much room in the boat but it’s frustrating when its space is being taken up by someone in column W when it could be column A if only those A s were afforded the chance.

This where I could be doing my best Peter Finch in Network impression banging my fists and raging-

‘I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take this anymore!’

It would be an exercise in futility though because to the ones who it should matter- it just won’t. They’ll keep on keepin’ on with same ole business. It seems their last concern is quality and isn’t that the shame of it all?

Ah woe is me.


(*postscript) Okay so now that I have probably pissed – at least some of you- off …as stated earlier these views are mine. and written primarily as means to kill few moments of time.  I kinda like being sarcastic- even sometimes humorous (??)

you are all free thinkers- use your abilities to their fullest. 

like what you like.

don’t like what you don’t like. 

be cool and love generously.



xo semi

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