where have all the payphones gone? long time passing….

this is a cellphone world. (now)

sadly- when it comes to technology I have got to be the world’s most challenged person… ever.

…and I’m not just saying that

as in

‘oh you’re just saying that.’

no. I’m not.

I mean I can use a phone- the trouble often is- I frequently cannot find the thing that one has to press before they- for lack of a better word- dial- the phone. you know- the little bitchbutton that usually reads ‘talk’ or ‘start’ or ‘ok’ or some other thing that indicates where you begin to begin- you dig?

so yeah…there’s that.

and don’t get me started on other things that require some technological ability even the most minor… I -just-can’t-do-it. read a manual? yeah right/ha. it may as well be written in a foreign language because- as a matter of fact- it is. and it’s one my peabrain either doesn’t or refuses to understand.

If I sound stubborn it’s because I’m stubborn. I like to do things the hard way.

I still write out christmas cards. fancy that?!!!..

and I address them- longhand- no computerized address list ready to spit out ornate labels written in electronic calligraphy. nope.

I drag out my well worn holiday card address book with the santa pulling an enormous teddy by its ear out of a sack with one hand while clutching sweaty candy cane with the other. ( well I don’t know if the cane is actually sweaty or just appears that way but annnnnywaaaayyyy…) I take that book and review every name in it to make certain there is no one who needs to be added or scratched out of the book.  I tackle this chore with pleasure- thinking hmmm at least I don’t have to figure out how to load label paper into a printer to have the names and addresses lined up properly so each fits into a separate little rectangle to be peeled off and centered exactly right on the cards’ envelopes.  yes ‘at least’ indeed. see? I just saved myself the anguish of attempting the completely impossible. not to mention time that it would take for me to have to rush out- in the middle of this project- to get a new supply of labels- having ruined an entire package on the first and second tries of printing. in the snow. in the slush. getting my feet wet because I’m not practical enough to wear waterproof boots to go to Staples or Office Max or wherever.

yep I’m an old fashioned girl. I do things like the way they did them in the covered wagon days and write those cards out til my fingers cramp.

and what about unlocking a door without having to memorize a strip of numbers and have to do it in the right order…holy mack-er-al!!

or better yet something allegedly simple as watching a television show? how the hell can I do that when I can’t even figure out how to 1) turn the television on and 2) change the channel …with like some weird remote control device that has somewhere around 4009 different  things to press on it

this one is for the cable box

this one is to turn the television on

this one is find the ‘what’s on’ channel

this one is to watch a dvd

oy blah blah blah

I must be a total moron. I will literally stand there for a minimum of 15 minutes desperately hoping to start a movie- for example -so that by the time I actually do get it?  if I get it- I’m so mentally worn out I fall asleep shortly after it begins. 

well  that was well worth the effort. 

microwave ovens? cd players? and the most horrendous of all…e-readers. I stomped on one once thinking that was how you are supposed to start it. I was wrong. but…. like lady macbeth and I always say…what’s done is done





‘please deposit 50 cents for the next three minutes’


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